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Blackgroup-Speak 
By David Young
Black Group are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let this happen to you. Study this handy phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they say:
"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400km a week and haven't missed a day since the 2002 Malacca Triathlon. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.
"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape."
Translation: I will sit on your wheel and
attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering.
"I'm on my training bike."
Translation: I had this baby custom-made with
all top-of-the-range parts.
"It's not that hilly."
Translation: We won't warn you but after a sudden left turn, you'll be looking at 15%. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon."
"You won't get dropped ."
Translation: Leave us an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue team."
"It's not that far ."
Translation: Bring your passport and cash so you can pay for your
own taxi home when you get dropped.